One year ago today I gave birth to a beautiful little boy. Unfortunately his time with us was limited, and after only one week we had to say goodbye.
I think that I was hoping to feel better about things after a year, but the truth is, you just don't. I have good days now. I appreciate the time I have with my children more, but my heart still hurts the same. I assume that it always will, but I'm told that time helps to heal things.
We decided to try and celebrate Josh's birthday yesterday by going to the cemetery and then out to get cupcakes afterwards. The kids struggled with the idea. Sara started crying when we mentioned it saying that it brought back to many painful memories; but we felt like we needed to do something and so, in spite of our less than festive mood, we went.
After the cemetery, we went to a local cupcake store for dessert. I have to admit it was the most somber cupcake experience we've ever had as a family. The kids smiled for a few pictures, but mostly ate in silence. I didn't even think the cupcakes tasted good. (I guess I still prefer Sprinkles cupcakes if we're going to buy them.)
Overall I guess the day was mostly about milestones. We made it through one year together. We've learned to appreciate each day a little more; and although we are not perfect and we struggle with difficult emotions, we know Heavenly Father had a plan for our family and that he loves us.
Happy Birthday baby. We miss you.
3 comments:
my heart hurts for you. thank you for sharing your beautiful insights. prayers and love for your family!
Thinking of you. I can't imagine you would ever feel okay with it all. But that's because I know you and your heart's ability to love. Little Joshua is blessed to have you - both that one week he was with you and then in the time years from now that we don't understand.
I wish I could say something other than I love you and I'm sorry you are hurting. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.
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