Saying Goodbye

My good friend Rachel Whitmore passed away today after battling a fast growing terminal cancer.  Last September she went into the eye doctor because she was having vision issues only to find out that there was a mass growing behind her eye.  Little did she know, the mass was only the beginning of her challenges.  They later found cancer in her brain, lungs, stomach, kidneys, liver, pancreas, back, etc. . .  She asked the doctor how long she may have had this cancer undetected and he said maybe a year.  (the cells in her body were multiplying so quickly.)  

Rachel just turned 39 in June.  Last Tuesday Chad went over to her home with the bishop to give her a blessing.  I went by in the afternoon and had a chance to talk with her for a bit.  The cancer was growing in her trachea and so she has been struggling to breath let alone talk.  Rachel used to always tell me that if she didn't laugh about things, she'd cry, so we joked about the irony of her cancer and about life and family.  I asked her that day how we had both gotten to this point.  (Her knowing she had only a few days to live and me sitting by her bed, wondering if this was one of the last conversations we would ever have.)  She said, "I don't know, but I wish I could go back."  

It's amazing how cancer seems to age a person in only a matter of months.  I thank her husband Ross for allowing me a half hour alone with Rachel that day.  I was able to see her again on Thursday with Chad, but her coherency was in and out.  We left that night with her still smiling that cute crooked smile and asking us if there was anything she could do for us, as she struggled again for air.  Saturday was the last day that I was able to see Rachel alive.  She was sleeping at the time, but still fighting.  

I wish I could tell the world the things I learned from Rachel in just the past year.  I learned that life is a gift, and we need to make the most of every day.  If Clovis was the last place I ever lived, would I have made the most of my time here.  Rachel loved people unconditionally, and even more so in her trials.  She strengthened the people around her with her smile, and optimistic attitude.  Her faith in the Lord was unshaken, even as her body continued to deteriorate.  Chad (who was also her doctor) said that the feeling of peace she constantly radiated, helped him to deal with her disease.  It's difficult to watch someone you care about suffer.  I hope that no one ever has to watch a loved one die from cancer.  It's such a horrible disease.  For those of you who have, I am truly sorry. 

 To Rachel, I hope that heaven is everything you knew it would be and more.   I'll miss you.  Until forever,  Goodbye for now.